slippers off, barefeet on the floor, time for a new beginning.

Monday, September 27, 2010

yours truly has moved!


Friday, March 05, 2010

this has been a dead blog.
well, i recently just finished summer school which was awesome!
had a week's worth of holidays,
and yeah, a new semester has just kick started.
so far, seems pretty tough.
but i am determined to not be defeated by what appears tough.
I WILL OVERCOME all this and have a brilliant semester :D

anyway, how boring can this post get.
revolves only around studies.
lets see, on the brighter perspective, i've joined two clubs!
one: MUCS; Melbourne University Choral Society.
super super good stuff. classical/baroque music are the best.
second: Flare Dance Club. went for a rehearsal yesterday,
oh i ache all over for not dancing in ages. anyhow, it was worth it!
looking forward to what's in store for me over the semester.

:D cheers.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

God, are you there?

Brian's Essay.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Brian's Essay.

Brian's Essay: The Room.

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird 'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at .' Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel With.' The handle was brighter than those around it,seemed newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.' I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

*heaves sigh*.
i doubt i'd want to see my box of cards now.
at least not now until i've done more for God.
i know that no matter how many good deeds done,
it'd never surpass the sins committed.
but hey, at least i wont feel AS bad as if i didnt do anymore goodstuff.
let you be a fruitful one.

2010 :)

Sunday, January 03, 2010

the peeps that almost made me cry.
already, i miss you all.
thank you for everything, for the colourful memories.
someday we'll cross paths again.

as the summer days, autumn, blistering winter and spring unfolded,
i slowly sunk into another world full of pointless things.
drawing further and further away from God,
i prioritized things that without God, would be utterly useless.

the days were long and cruelly hard.
and each day i tried to think that i could stand on my own feet.
what was i thinking, going away from God, forgetting all He's done?
i was a fool, too caught up in ambition forgetting the essentials.

i'm glad though, for the opportunity of restoration.
for the recognition once again of the importance of God in my life.
without you God, my life is nothing.
without you, I see no reason in living.

so as this year unfolds day by day,
Lord I pray I'll faithfully stick to you,
continually pursuing you diligently,
running the race with endurance and perseverance.

i dedicate you to God.
let me not lose sight.
let me find favour in You as I walk through my days.
thank you Lord.
I love you.

First week of uni :)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

the dead blog :S
following on from what I last wrote, I am back in Melb!
First week of uni has kicked off and so far, so good.

God's been really amazing-enabling me to meet so many people.
Also have a rather close friend now who's really awesome :D
Although it's been 2 lectures only, I'm starting to feel a tad bit,

Yes, I'm a bit kiasu for no reason whatsoever.
This week shall be used in getting myself organised!
Next week onwards, gotta start going/studying!

God, while I ask you help me excel in all I do,
I ask that you will keep me focused and to remember my
identity in you as well as to not be pressured to conform like
the world but to be a soldier for you instead.
Anyway, re-organizing the house!
The outside is currently extremely messy but wait till all's
finalised and it'll look super better than before! :D xx

Come round soon.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Malaysian weather makes me sleepy.
However, it's great to be home! I love my home!

Flew back to Malaysia on the 16th of June.
On the way, made a stopover at KL to meet Deniz & Susan.
Crashed at their place for 4 nights where we over exerted ourself.
Played 24/7 until on the last night, I was literally dead.

Returned on the 21st of June and stayed home the next day.
Recuperated by sleeping in and indulging in Korean Dramas!
Shining Inheritance, Nodame Cantible & A Man's Story are SUPER!
It's a must must watch you people!

Tuesday: badminton with my fellow college mates.
It was a great doubles though the heat was pretty intense.
I always thought that Penampang was exceptionally hotter.
Afterwards, pork noodles yummy!

Wednesday: shopping spree though I didn't buy anything.
In fact, I nearly died of boredom as there was absolutely nothing!
Wisma Merdeka & Warisan = zilch. How do they survive?
I hope 1 Borneo will not be a letdown or else.

Then, went out with Choi for yamcha at Tun Fuad market.
Indulged in ABC, goreng pisang, yiu charkuay with kaya, tau foo fa,
fried kuay teow and goreng cemepdak! It was all so cheap!
Stuffed ourselves till the brim and then headed back.

TODAY. Oh Im feeling sleepy. My eyes are like slits!
Revising through IELTS and hopefully I'll be well prepared.
Aural exam at 9 45am followed by the rest of the exam this Sat!

Hello. my name is Angela, and this is my canvas where I paint my thoughts.


Andrew Amanda Mumu Banjo Bern Esther Fran Gladys Jean Jenni Jermee Keira Kenneth Mel Ming Sammy Shen Timmy